How Hasselhoff Destroyed Communism
Bronze Age Barbarian
Over 1 billion people globally tuned into Baywatch every week around the world. Critics (aka Progressive phaggots, all of them*) hated the show but the ENTIRE world loved it. Over 40 languages, including Arabic. Some of those misogynistic, diaper-headed, camel jockeys even risked prison time to take it all in.
Baywatch was one of the many rites of passage for any dude in the early 90’s. I was not quite old enough in the beginning to appreciate it’s more titillating aspects but I definitely thought it was a cool show, and grew to enjoy it more “fully” later on.
The Hoff was an alpha who made sure everything ran smooth, the dudes and babes all listened to him and everyone was more effective as a result. There was some “internal” drama along the way but hardly the primary plot point like the majority of TV today. They all shared common values and culture, and they all executed well as a result.
The LA beach setting gave a postcard perfect backdrop to various acts of bronze bodied bravery. It wasn’t pozzed with nihilistic “irony” plots where no one who seemed good was actually good, and the person whom everyone thinks is “bad” is only because “he/she/it” is misunderstood. It was black** and white: We’re gonna fix problems by running like a well-oiled machine and look like demi-gods while doing so.
David Hasselhoff was somewhat well known prior to Baywatch. Knight Rider (also a bad ass show) and a recording career had established him, especially in Germany. He was taking a sauna in Sweden when two dudes said to him, “Hey we’re from Germany. I’m from East Berlin and he is from West Berlin. You are a legend in our country. We had nothing, and this man, an American who drove a talking car and sang about freedom, became our hero!”
In 1988 The Hoff had released a hit single “Looking for Freedom” that undoubtedly made its way through the underground media pipeline to East Berlin. Baywatch was released in September of 1989. The Berlin Wall was being destroyed within the next 90 days. No one will ever be able to convince me that my mans DH didn’t spiritually take down the Wall and thus begin the rapid collapse of the USSR.
I like the song and need to find a spot for it in the playlist. I can play it whenever I need a reminder of what winning feels like.
I had a friend from Germany, the wrong side of the wall. She said US culture gave them hope. “Americans seemed so fun, free, sexy. We weren’t having any fun. No one had enough food to have muscles like that. No sunny beaches. They actually enjoyed their work.”
Reagan’s “Tear down this wall” and a policy of detente did it? Nigga please, if they can attribute the light bulb to blacks, we can attribute the collapse of Soviet Era communism and the end of the Cold War to the all White cast of Baywatch.
It wasn’t the CONSTITUTION. It wasn’t LIBERAL DEMOCRACY. They didn’t know those words. The RIGHT to VOTE?? Give every 18 year old East Berlin dude a leather jacket, motorcycle with the one of those dancing Stacey’s on the back, and you could keep the civic duty horseshit.
They just saw the images, absorbed the aesthetic and got a sense, a feeling of what that life might be like. Then they went and grabbed it. By the pussy.
BAB
*You don’t go into the “business” of professionally criticizing other people unless you are the epitome of a spiritual phaggot.
**To be clear there were no black lifeguards on the show. They rescued some black kids once which is understandable given their history with swimming.
In the meantime, tell your friends!